Mary Carollo: Kids and Divorce

Though you and your spouse have already decided to divorce, translating your reasoning and personal decision to your children can be difficult. I’ve seen as a divorce lawyer, that at any age, it is important to be aware of the way that you handle tough divorce questions, navigate life after divorce, and coach your children can have an impact. Even the most informed and well-intentioned parents can make mistakes or negatively affect a child without knowing it.

Dealing with Tough Questions in Divorce

A recent HBO documentary titled, Don’t Divorce Me! Kids’ Rules for Parents on Divorce, children of divorce articulate the challenges of divorce and offer parents tips on how to best navigate the transition. Here are some tips from kids for divorcing and divorced parents in Salt Lake City, Utah:

“Don’t make me choose.”
“Make traveling from house to house easy.”
“Spend a lot of time with kids and make sure they know it’s not their fault.”
“Don’t put me in the middle.”
“Don’t take your anger out on me.”
“Tell me it’s not my fault.”
“Don’t give too much information at once. It can be difficult to understand. Kids need time.”

While most parents know that children have a difficult time with divorce, they may not know the best way to approach tough questions, deal with a split household, or address the emotional needs of their children. Children usually have a clear idea about how divorce impacts them personally and emotionally. It is important to listen to children and to talk to them about the issues that they are facing at home or at school. Remember that while you are having a tough time, your children are also working to adjust to the transition. Take the time to listen to while you also work to protect your rights and the best interests of the family.

DEALING WITH EX-IN-LAWS DURING THE HOLIDAYS

Holidays can be stressful, especially during divorce negotiations or after a divorce has been finalized. When children are involved, Christmas and other holidays can become even more complicated. If you are facing the holiday season after divorce, there are steps you can take to prevent unwanted and unnecessary stress for you and your family. Here are some tips for divorced or divorcing couples in Salt Lake City, Utah for dealing with ex-in-laws during the holidays:

Custody and holiday visitation. Custody arrangements can be complicated during the holidays and can create stress for you, your ex, as well as your in-laws. Remember that it is important for your children to spend time with you as well as your ex and your in-laws. You do have the right to protect a custody arrangement, but remember to keep your child’s best interests in mind.
Sending Christmas cards. Should you send Christmas cards to ex family members? Is sending cards after a divorce offensive? Remember that you have had relationships with your ex-in-laws for years or even decades. You should do what feels natural to you, without worrying too much about what things “mean.”
Gift giving. Should you purchase gifts for you ex-in-laws? Again, this depends on your relationships. If you have maintained a relationship with your ex’s parents, you should base your continued practice on individual circumstances and what would feel appropriate for you. Either way, you should never feel pressured to give gifts, but if you have maintained a relationship, there is no reason to discontinue the tradition.

Holidays can be stressful, but remember you are not alone. To protect your rights after divorce, you may need an experienced attorney to work out a custody settlement on your behalf. Remember that divorce can be complicated, especially during the holidays.

Free Consultation with Divorce Lawyer

If you have a question about divorce law or if you need to start or defend against a divorce case in Utah call Ascent Law at (801) 676-5506. We will help you.